December is always a terrifying time of year. Mind numbing music assaults your ears, ghosts from high school haunt your hometown Walmart, and relatives have patronizing questions about your “little clothing start-up thing” (r/suspiciouslyspecific). This year to celebrate Friday the 13th, we're dead set on the joys of holiday horror. Take your Halloween decorations back out, put on your Krampus horns, & get ready to have a merry little nightmare.
SHE'S NO ANGEL (food cake)
If you are at all familiar with Sandra Lee, you know that she is the devil incarnate in the kitchen & can make any recipe into a torture device. Watch as she turns her day-drunk wiles towards a special “cake” appropriated for Kwanzaa featuring… corn nuts?
This song is so sappy it crosses into the realm of absurdity. Follow a kid, possessed by the spirit of Xmas materialism, trying to buy shoes for his dying mom cuz St. Peter only lets you into heaven if you got fresh kicks. Pitched down with Hugh Laurie & bizarre stock photos 4 xtra terror
Dragging through the snow with Santa on your tail You'll never get away Those deer will make you wail
HOLIDAY HORROR MOVIES
We’ve curated a list of our favorite Xmas movies to really get you in the spooky spirit. Great for putting on the TV at family gatherings or watching alone in your childhood bedroom while guests ask if you’ll be coming out of your hole to meet & greet. You will not.
For all my fellow Jews out there, don't let Hershel's final boss blow out your menorah on the longest night of the year...
Crack nuts, not skulls, & finally stand up to the mighty rat king this year
So have a spooky solstice, a chilling Christmas, a horrible Hannukah, a kreepy Kwanzaa, & a frightening Festivus! See you next year... if you survive.
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Rudolph Uprising by Jakob Rozalski Hershel's goblin by Trina Schart Hyman Rat King by Heather Watts